It Makes Me Sad...

People are so astounded when I tell them I'd like more children. "WHY would you want to do that?!?" they ask with shocked faces. That makes me sad. Why, you ask?

My children are a lot of work. I'd say 90%+ of my time and energy are dedicated to my family right now. For the moment, gone are my days of consistently sleeping through the night and sleeping in the next morning. Gone are our days of hitting a Friday night movie or going out for a nice meal at a sit-down restaurant. Gone are a lot of things Jaron and I enjoyed before we had kids.

So WHY would I want more?

I find the truest and sweetest joy in my kids and our family life. I find enough there that it makes me want to be a mother all over again. By replacing ME-ness with FAMILY-ness, I feel like I'm replacing good things in my life for better things. I feel like the best thing I can do with my time and energy is be a mother and raise up good children. There are lots of other things I could be doing right now, things that many people would tell me are a better use of my time. Instead, I spend most of my time within the four walls of my own house making it a home for my boys. And that makes me happy. My life has fullness and meaning largely because our little family.

The Savior said, "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it." (Luke 9:24) For me, this seems to apply to motherhood as well. My life isn't about ME right now and somehow, that has made ME more of the person I want to be.

Please don't take this post as giving myself a pat on the back. I am far from a perfect mother and I certainly struggle sometimes to meet the demands. I guess I just feel frustrated that in so many people's eyes motherhood has been reduced to menial labor. Also, I hope that by writing these thoughts down I'll be better able to express them the next time I'm confronted by the next incredulous person!