Maybe it's because Jaron is gone a lot.
Maybe it's because my therapist, a.k.a. my sister Genny, has been in Alberta at her in-laws (a.k.a. unreachable by phone for our 2 hour gab fests) for two weeks.
Maybe it's because the combination of the two leaves me very little resources on which to unload my 8,000 (average for a woman) words a day. Wait, that's average? Then mine must be closer to 10,000.
Maybe it's the inescapable heat.
Maybe it's the remoteness of this island, where we have few places to escape from the house to.
Maybe it's the fact that Alden has started following up every one of my requests with "But Mo-omm..."
Maybe it's the fact that Eli stepped on a nail and I'm now carrying two everywhere I do go.
Maybe it's the fact that Gracen is sick, feverish and grouchy and covered head to toe in a rash.
Bottom line, evenings are A MESS at our house lately. The kitchen's a mess of dirty dishes. The rest of the house is a mess of toys. I'm a mess of "Mean Momness." It's the only time of day that I yell and threaten. I think there's just too much to do in too short a time. Throw in two fighting brothers and a fussy baby, and it's a recipe for disaster!
It's not the actual bedtime routine that's a problem - that we've got down pretty good. It's the crunch time beforehand that's killing us, I think.
Any advice? 'Cause at the end of the day I'd like to feel a little less like this:
And a LOT more like this:
7 comments:
you are a pretty incredible mom Becky.....I have watched you, sometimes with envy as you parent with such patience and love, as you build toys out of nothing, as you make homemade doughnuts, as you embrace life in Saba with enthusiasm and an adventurous attitude, and as you deal with 3 small children basically as a single parent like a pro! Family life is tough for all of us, especially us med wives (I am going to write a sitcome about it yet) so its pretty normal for you to feel this way in the evenings....hang in there....there are better days ahead.....pray and ask God for some of that super mom strength.....you are already pretty super though :) Know that this too will end and one day they will be grown up and we will wish for a day of mess and craziness instead of the silence that we are left with after they are gone.....you rock Becky! Don't forget that at the end of the day you are still human, just like the rest of us and we all have bad days....I call them not my proudest parenting moments :).....take care and God Bless my friend.
Your friend Dawn has great advice for sure. You are a great Mom Becky! I think us mom's are a little to hard on ourselves sometimes. When I'm feeling similar to you, it helps when I remember why I'm a mom. When I remember the eternal perspective and remember what really is important, it suddenly doesn't matter that much if the kids aren't in bed on time, or if the house is a mess when I go to bed. Try to make things easier, if possible for a few days. Make meals that aren't very messy. Relax in your pj's for a day or two.
I found this blog a while back and I love the advice from it http://askingjane.blogspot.com She actually just did a post on a similar topic. She's an LDS mom of 11 who gives some great advice.
I also just read a book called "I didn't plan on becoming a witch and other surprises of motherhood" by Linda Eyre. I think that's what it was called. (As you can tell, this is also on my mind a lot!)
Anyway, hang in there. I can't imagine being in your shoes! You are doing great! Keep it up!
This, too, shall pass! Maybe that's not very good advice, but it is always comforting, right? I found myself in those circumstances often when Joseph was in school - and dinner time was always when I cracked. If I start on dinner at the beginning of the day, that seems to help (browning the hamburger, chopping the veggies). If I help the kids with a little clean up, get a snack and have some quiet time (reading, drawing, something calm) at 4pm, that seems to help. They always manage themselves better when they've had some quiet time with my full attention. Then I can sneak away around 5 and make dinner without having a crisis. But some days just fall apart at the witching hour, and some times we just have to wade through it. For the record, I think what you are doing as a mother & wife is amazing!
Don't be too hard on yourself! Being a Mom isn't easy! I try to focus on the positive after days where I just feel completely beyond overwhelmed and even then I feel like I need a big timeout.
I use that time between their bedtime and mine to unwind and take some much needed ME time. I find that helps so much during the weeks when my hubby works afternoons or nights. Hang in there, it will get better!!!
Dear Becky, I absolutley DITTO every word your wise friends have left here, esp Dawn!! Monster Mommy arrived at our house after baby #3...I know some of what you are feeling! I say just focus on what is vital and of utmost importance during your "survival mode" stages. Sleep? Welfare of the children? Taking care of yourself? I used to do the chores in "stages" instead of all at once in a frantic sweep. (ie: dishes---quickly rinsed and stacked neatly after dinner, and wash them first thing in the morning when the kids are at their best.) One other little thing---during these more demanding stages, it helps me and the kids when I give each child 15min of one-on-one attention that day. Take it whenever it comes. You are so wonderful,and I'm SURE you will figure it all out soon!!!
I'm sorry to hear that everything's chaotic! It's hard having a friend to gab with out of touch! My mom's been at girl's camp all week, and I KNOW Mitch is getting tired of me telling him things that he doesn't care about; usually I just tell my mom and that's it! :o) You are amazing! Such a role model for people like us who are just starting out to look up to! Keep it up! :o) And PS--don't worry about the dishes...when my mom was stressed and complained about not keeping up with kitchen work, especially, we'd just have to convince her that we just don't care! Which we never did! Your kids won't mind, or remember what the kitchen looked like when you were crazy stressed :o)
Hey there! I would hope that after 30 years of marriage and seven kids I would have some advice that might help. Right now life is rough for your whole family. The kids feel the stress and react and then you and Jaron react. I know Jaron is overwhelmed in classes right now...remember there is light at the end of the tunnel. My suggestion would be this - Pull a chair up to the sink and let Alden do the dishes with your supervision and if Eli wants to help, sit him on a chair with a towel and hand him a spoon to dry as Alden washes. Sometimes them being included in mom's work works wonders at that age. I mopped up alot of water from the floor and counters when I had my helpers. But they need to feel needed. Even if they can help put away dinner or set the table. Some kind of chart and stickers may help. I love the "Jane" column!!
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